Valentines Day: A Personal Experience

Every year the month of February is much awaited for everyone. By the time of February the chilly weather of north India has some what given way to the sunny days, the Indian financial year is at its last phase and the common man eagerly await for the budget session of the parliament and the annual railway and financial budget. But February is the month for the people who are in love. They eagerly wait for the 14^th of Feb, the Valentines Day. Roman history is still in confusion about St. Valentine, his identity, his works and his death sentence. But the large part of the historian community believes that the saint was executed on 14h of February. And to honor his works on spreading peace and love world wide February 14 is celebrated as Valentines Day. Young man and woman irrespective of caste, creed, and religion and of geographical boundary express their heart felt desires to their loved ones by any means that is convenient to them. Different shops sell souvenirs, cards and gifts for this day. Radio stations and TV channels air special programs for the love birds by reading their messages, playing their favorite songs and giving gift hampers to lucky winners of some contests. Young people empty their pocket money and hard earned and saved money to buy gifts for their valentines. Cupid with bow and arrow, heart shaped balloons, flowers, chocolates, greeting cards can be seen everywhere. But when the business in the gift shops sky rockets some religious fundamentalists attack and destroy and protest against the celebration in the name of Indian culture. They attack the love birds in parks and public places, destroy the gift shops and carry on their rampage in the name of democracy, with the patronage of some local politicians and civic authorities. But that never dampens the spirit of the couple who are seen in the parks, public places and cinemas. The plan for the day is made well in advance. The anxiety of the first time lover has its own sweet charm. Couples spend some silent moments together and vow to live and die in each other’s arm. The poor fellows who are geographically separated from their loved ones because of personal and professional commitments give a brave fight to control their minds and emotions.    

            Coming to my personal experiences in V Day, I never really celebrated the day with my valentine. When I got in to engineering college I first heard about some thing called a Valentine Day, a Rose Day from my over enthusiastic friends. I took some time to figure out the importance of these days and to figure out what to do and what not to do on these specific days. Those days I was madly in a one sided love affair. But the love affair never really materialized and we became friends and shared a platonic relationship. But in my heart and mind I really want to be her love. But as the time passed I also controlled my heart and accepted the reality. The relationship till today has seen 10 springs starting from my early +2 science days. So the first and only thought that came to my mind that my platonic friend is my valentine. We pursued our studies in two different cities so for a couple of V day and rose day, I used to call her to wish and send SMS and mails. In the final year of engineering studies in 2007 I had a golden opportunity to celebrate the V Day with my platonic friend. The GATE exam was on 11^th of Feb and I had chosen the examination centre in her city. After the exam we met in the top floor restaurant of a popular market place where we had some snacks and she told me about her dreams and anxieties and her family problems. She told me about the high and lows of her love affair with another person. It was well past 9:30 PM when I left her in her room and returned to my uncle’s place in the other side of the city. I had lost the courage to stay for a couple of days and boarded the state government run bus the next evening to reach my college on the morning of V Day. My nephew who was junior to me in the college and who know me well asked me the reason and I preferred to remain silent about it. The next year V Day (2008) I and my one of my close friend were in Shournour railway station in kerala waiting for the train to our home and getting mentally prepared for a 40 hour long ordeal in train. We had a memorable as well as tough time in khozikode, kerala. We stayed there for exactly 6 months for a PG Diploma course in automation. But keeping the tradition alive I mailed my platonic friend in advance. It took me a couple of hours to create one of my master pieces in creative writing. I write when I have a deep feeling towards the subject and review the writing till I am fully satisfied with the content, language and expressions. It takes long moment of silence, the strong feelings to create one of my writings. So I am infrequent in my blogs and write only when I have that requisite feeling. Checking the mails after couple of days I was surprised to find out that she expected the mail and complemented my writing skills. Before some days she also complemented my mail and the sincerity by which I mail her on her birthday. That small complement made my day and inspired me to work hard towards my writing and feelings.

The spring doesn’t last for ever as it is over and a low phase of my personal life is here. My platonic friend is seriously considering of settling down with her lover in near future. They are fighting to the teeth about the cast, creed and religion issue in their respective home turfs. For a couple of years I have also stopped calling her often after some misunderstanding and our relationship has been limited to the annual phone call and mail by me on her birthday. I want her to get settle down with her lover so that there could be some smile in both of their faces and life. And owing to my academic interest in instrumentation engineering I emerge myself in the academics and concentrate to enjoy the present. 

Some of my class mates recently planned their activity on V Day. Many of them have GATE exam to appear and others are going out of the town to celebrate the day with their loved ones. The mahashivaratri holiday is on Friday and the weekend off is a double bonanza for many of the love birds. When my opinion was sought I said that my destination is my hostel room and to celebrate my day I have some of my favorite old hindi music and music of Rahat Fateh Ali Khan with me.

            Life changes and it seems that I have also lost my ability to convey my feelings through my writing and an atmosphere of fear and gloom has been created in my mind which doesn’t allow me to commit anything to anybody in the fear that I may not be able to live up to the expectations of my partner and my family. Many of my friends have settled down in life and some are planning to settle down in near future. And few others are struggling with their family members and family issues of caste, creed, religion which are coming as obstacles on the way of their marriage. For those of my friends who are married and are going to marry in the near future I wish them and their respective valentines all the success in life. And for those who are still struggling to solve family issues before taking the vow of a life time my regards and well wishes for them and their respective valentines. So my dear friends enjoy life like an ice cream before it melts. I am happy with the enduring voice of Lata, rafi, kishore, rahat fatheh ali khan and a lot others, I am happy with my academic work and I am happy that all of you are living in peace and harmony. So enjoy your day and let me get indulged in my own self and other things that I love. Though your life may be in rocks but have a rocking day and be happy. HAPPY V DAY 2 ALL.